I have never posted about this, not because I don't believe it's important - but I guess just because I couldn't find the right words to put together.
not being able to put words together.
But right now this is needed,
it needs to be said,
it needs to be expressed,
it needs to be exposed,
it needs to be known.
and you might judge me,
you might think yeah right,
you might just nod your head,
but regardless, here it is ...
I am human, I am a sinner. It has taken awhile for me to say that without beating myself up for making mistakes daily. I have that syndrome, you know the one that causes you to think you have to do everything perfect and when you don't it breaks you. I often preach to my kids that we all make mistakes and that's okay, but it's what you do after them that makes a difference. Yet even as those words leave my lips I can't apply them to myself. I think to myself often that what I am doing is not enough and I push myself harder. Sometimes I even think life is unfair when I watch my friends and family suffer and why some are given hardships that I may never face.
But then I remember God's plan and though it might not be mapped out for me on mapquest and no I can't google it, but somehow I just
Trust that His plan is going the way it should, trust that the path myself and others are on are just part of His greater plan. That who I might meet along my troubled path and walks in darkness will bring light to others. Now I will say to you that in my church
we sing and we praise
and we sing and we praise
and we sing and we praise.
And I always feel the spirit and enlightenment long after I leave,
but this week,
I did more than just sing and praise. I confessed with my tongue everything that was in my heart. I prayed for my two best friends who were facing critical medical conditions that seemed hopeless. One who since having her baby has had complications with a stint and another after fighting cancer for the first time was reliving it all again, but this time in the lungs.
I went into church heavily, my footsteps pounded as I walked to the front, my heart crushed, my mind foggy, my body aching from carrying the stress on my shoulders and then this song made me lift my hands and throw everything at his throne.
As I took a deep breath in I suddenly realized that I was no longer in pain and that peace had came over me and
I cried and sang
and cried and sang.
And then I just knew that this was my path and I was drawing closer to him and my two friends were going to be okay.
You might just say fiddlesticks
or you might just say wow that's great!
But I am here to tell you that today, my friends are feeling better and if you ever doubted the power of prayer and the mighty LORD
it ends here!
You leave that behind and just believe
and don't be ashamed to believe and shout it from the rooftops.
Don't be ashamed to be weak, find strength in him.
And don't be ashamed of who you are, b/c he loves you anyway. He is your father and he knows you will stumble along the way, he has the plan and if it is his will it will be done.
Let him have his way with you!