Pimpin' horses, it's what we do ...

So riding along in the minivan is possibly one of my most favorite things to do, because I have the kids trapped within the confines of a large metal can doing 55mph down a highway.  No way they are getting out of a conversation in there.  No doors can be closed, no one can lock themselves in the bathroom or leave and ride their bikes to a friend's house.  No here I have their full attention and anyone else in the vehicle for that matter.  And do not underestimate me, because you are probably saying, "yeah but they'll just put their headphones on."  Well, no worries there - they'll hear me -

Have you heard me sing LOVE SHACK? - TIIIIIIIIIIN ROOF ... RUSTED!!!

 

Brief intermission:

 

 

Most of the time, we have loads of extra kids, teens, hooligans whatever you want to call them in the van.  (I have really just considered buying an airstream and taking my act on the road full time.)  Anywhooo, I try to use the time I have them on lock down as teaching moments.  And it works real well in traffic, so if you see me on the road arms flailing and in intense conversation you know what I am doing, either that or singing Don't Stop Believin'.  So, my conversations usually begin with a dramatic statement. 
It might be:

• Think with the right head, boys.
• Love ain't something you find every 2 weeks, it is one person - always.
• Puberty is just when you start to stink and things start happening to your private parts.
• Don't act like a terd, no one likes terds, especially your Dad's.
• You want to do drugs, drink and smoke, go ahead, but you might as well just jump out this car and end it all now, because that's where you'll end up anyway.

Yes, I know what you are thinking, "ummm, okay."  But seriously, if you have kids, teens, hoodrats what ever you are calling them, you and I both know we can't waste any time beating around the bush, because you will lose them after the 1st sentence.  Get straight to the point, get their attention and then add details.

But sometimes, I let them lead the conversations. 
Which might look a little more like this:

• I think I am having visions, like on That's So Raven.
• I wonder who holds the record for the largest terd.
• I think fast food was created for all those who are starving and Sonic put the workers on skates for all those who are starving to death.
• You know how they pimp out cars, do you think way back that they pimped out horses?

photo courtesy of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnF2ROKtdMY
(just a note:  my kids talked about this way before this came out, but how funny is that?!)