Thursday, February 17, 2011
so most as i've mentioned before would say that i go overboard with my discipline. now i don't take the switch off the tree in the backyard, nor do i use a paddle, but i'm telling you my words could probably silence the worst heckler in the apollo theater. i like to think i inspire, but sometimes i think some of my words might hinder. in a typical frustrated mother mode i might say that my child is being silly about getting upset over such a little thing, or i might say don't be so retarded about it. i might even throw out some curse words. i know horrible, huh! and i admit if i could rewind time like i can with my directv dvr i would. i would rewind, pause, and search for other words on the menu or i might google it. but as always i voice what i have to say at the moment. i tend to get caught up in the moment and just word vomit all over them. i'd even like to say i'd want to fast forward through the heartache and remorse. i would love to say i have a lot of proud parenting moments, but i probably don't. when my children just give the slightest trouble i'm right on top of it handling it in the most extreme way. from calling the cops on my own children to punishing them with requested suspensions, yes i handle things in a very extreme manner. in the end though it is not whether i won the battle or that i like to watch my child suffer through the consequences of their mishaps, but a way for me to show how much i love and care for them, that i would go through anything to make sure they grow up to be what i have imagined all my life. wonderful, beautiful, inspiring, loving, hardworking adults! that's when i'll back off and that's when my job will be over. but as i tear into them with passion and determination when i lecture about something that might seem so minor for other kids to do, i watch the tears flow and think that sometimes this lesson in tough love, tends to be a hard lesson for me to swallow as well. i just pray, God please don't let me screw this up!