As we dip into the first week of the new year, it's a time we use to reflect on the past year. Grief, regret, shame, appreciation, and love often surface. Regardless of our memories of years gone by, may we not be consumed by the past and instead reflect on what the Lord declares we are.
Honestly, I struggle with this. I am going to be really vulnerable and probably overshare, so brace yourself.
This year, I struggled with my sense of worth and purpose. I can't say it miraculously vanished on New Year's Day, either. I defined my worth this year in my mistakes, less-than-stellar moments, what I didn't accomplish, and the opinions of others. I was misunderstood in my actions and words. It ripped me to pieces and punched me dead in the gut. It was precisely what the enemy knew would shatter me.
You might be saying, "Michelle, you know better. You know who you are in Christ and what He has to say about you." Yes, I do, yet I still have parts of me that are not healed, which is why I struggle. A part of me is still working to understand my identity in Christ, and another part of me is trying to break old habits, patterns, and trauma responses.
Thankfully, God regards my struggles as opportunities to show up and display His glory - whether it is in a long blubbering all-night cry involving a box of Kleenex, a family member asking me to say the Christmas blessing, or a friend giving it to me straight in the middle of a coffee shop, reminding me what I "already know" and who I am in Christ.
I had to check myself before I wrecked myself. I had to hold myself accountable to His words, just as I had done with my family and friends.
Our outcomes are determined by how we respond, and if our responses don't align with God's truths, the wreckage can be devastating.
"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21
Many people might come along and try to define you by your mistakes or misinterpret you entirely, but God wrecks the plans of the world for His purpose. I find comfort in knowing nothing can destroy God's plan for me. Our best efforts are subject to God's will.
"The Lord brings the counsel of the nations to nothing; he frustrates the plans of the peoples" Psalm 33:10
Finding my place in His plan has been a real struggle in the plethora of jobs I have had. My resume could be a book, and I regarded it as shameful. I allowed the guilt of unaccomplished goals to defeat me. I let misinterpretations of others deter me from where God had placed me. I let the world place unrealistic, unfair boundaries on what was acceptable.
Am I hoping God shines His light on where I need to be? Absolutely. However, it might need to be brighter than the North Star dangling a disco ball for me to truly notice. In the meantime, I wait because I know He still has work left to do in me.
If you can relate, this year, I pray that you are honest about your struggles and not afraid to confront them. In those moments, we discover the grace and mercy He has for us and it carries us to our place in His plan.
Our place is in Him, and He ain't done with us yet.
