Pimpin' horses, it's what we do ...

So riding along in the minivan is possibly one of my most favorite things to do, because I have the kids trapped within the confines of a large metal can doing 55mph down a highway.  No way they are getting out of a conversation in there.  No doors can be closed, no one can lock themselves in the bathroom or leave and ride their bikes to a friend's house.  No here I have their full attention and anyone else in the vehicle for that matter.  And do not underestimate me, because you are probably saying, "yeah but they'll just put their headphones on."  Well, no worries there - they'll hear me -

Have you heard me sing LOVE SHACK? - TIIIIIIIIIIN ROOF ... RUSTED!!!

 

Brief intermission:

 

 

Most of the time, we have loads of extra kids, teens, hooligans whatever you want to call them in the van.  (I have really just considered buying an airstream and taking my act on the road full time.)  Anywhooo, I try to use the time I have them on lock down as teaching moments.  And it works real well in traffic, so if you see me on the road arms flailing and in intense conversation you know what I am doing, either that or singing Don't Stop Believin'.  So, my conversations usually begin with a dramatic statement. 
It might be:

• Think with the right head, boys.
• Love ain't something you find every 2 weeks, it is one person - always.
• Puberty is just when you start to stink and things start happening to your private parts.
• Don't act like a terd, no one likes terds, especially your Dad's.
• You want to do drugs, drink and smoke, go ahead, but you might as well just jump out this car and end it all now, because that's where you'll end up anyway.

Yes, I know what you are thinking, "ummm, okay."  But seriously, if you have kids, teens, hoodrats what ever you are calling them, you and I both know we can't waste any time beating around the bush, because you will lose them after the 1st sentence.  Get straight to the point, get their attention and then add details.

But sometimes, I let them lead the conversations. 
Which might look a little more like this:

• I think I am having visions, like on That's So Raven.
• I wonder who holds the record for the largest terd.
• I think fast food was created for all those who are starving and Sonic put the workers on skates for all those who are starving to death.
• You know how they pimp out cars, do you think way back that they pimped out horses?

photo courtesy of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnF2ROKtdMY
(just a note:  my kids talked about this way before this came out, but how funny is that?!)

Strange, but I am pretty sure we need some Construction workers as well ...

So before I get started, I am going to say this:  You might not like what you read here, you might not agree, and I respect that. I hope that we can still be friends after I say this: (side note: I will mention YOU and WE a lot, that doesn't imply it is YOU directly.)

The path that education is taking is down a long, dark, narrow tube. We have stuffed all our children in this one tube, where they can't succeed and they are getting stuck and giving up. The narrow tube's options consist of them making excellent grades and that they choose educational paths that lead them to careers such as doctors, lawyers or engineers. 

Okay, so might I ask who is going to run the farms, the restaurants, the hotels, highway patrol, etc.??
My mama always said or somebody said, "It takes all kinds of people to run the world!"
 Why should they all be asked to meet one set of standards?
Why can't they meet the standards they have set? 

Why do they have to learn it the way you want them to? 

Why can't they just learn and if they get the answer right, who cares how they got it. 
 

They might be so intelligent that they came up with their own formula while figuring out world peace or something.  I mean people, really have you seen this video:

well you should, because yes our kids are amazing!!  Or at least they can be if we allow them to explore, discover themselves and work on their inner heart.  Not limit their options, force them into the pipe, and pray for a outstanding outcome.  Now, don't get me wrong, some of them are slacking and need a good whoopin' to get their tails in gear, but trust me, they have the potential, they have just given up due to feeling like a failure. 

(note to kids reading this:  if you are doing this, stop it NOW!  You are better than that.) 

Anyway, we are just stressing them out trying to meet the potential of the next door neighbor's kid or the kids across the ocean in Japan.  Let them set their own potential, bust out the side of that pipe dream that society has created for them and let them be their own person.  God did not make us all the same, because like your mama would say, "it would be a boring place if we were all the same."
We would all be like some Robocop type people, though I have to admit that might be kind of cool, at least my boys would think that is cool so maybe that is not a good example.  But since we are all different and not some version of Robocop or WallE then -

How come this theory doesn't apply in education? 

 

We can't all be doctors, because then there would be no nurses.  We can't all be lawyers, because then there would be no paralegals.  We are not only stressing our kids out, we are stressing out our teachers, schools and ourselves with the pressure to have all children excel at a certain level.  Your child might not be a chemical engineer, but your child might be the child that ends world hunger or creates a non-profit organization that assist victims of crime. 

Let them be who God intended them to be.  Accept their weaknesses and focus on their strengths. 

Let our teachers teach, there is a reason they chose this profession and trust me it wasn't for the pay or paperwork!

Stop sweating the small stuff and let them teach!

How is it fair that they be held accountable for a child who is clearly frustrated because they can't meet the expectations set before them so they give up and misbehave?

Why should it be up to the teachers to force subject matter a certain way down their throats? 

Let those teachers just do their job!

Let them teach how they see fit in each class.

 

And I get it some of these kids can handle it and they will be the geniuses who might cure cancer, but won't be able to grind a rotor on a car. 

 

Who is going to do that if we think that all our children need to be geniuses? 

 

Isn't there a saying that says, "If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life."  Well, I believe they won't be happy if we continue this way.

 

They feel like failures because they are trying to compete with the child who excels in school.

They feel like failures when they don't make perfect grades. 

They feel like failures when they solve something another way and are told it is wrong. 

They feel like failures when they don't go to college. 

THEY ARE NOT FAILURES. 

We have failed them. 

 

We have forced them into believing that if they don't conform to the pipe dream then they are failing.  We all have failed at something and we as parents have to reassure our children daily that they can do anything they set their minds to.  Even if it is waiting tables, being a door greeter, an artist or a writer.  They should not be ashamed of the job they have chosen.  They should be taught how to be hard workers and love the job they are doing.  We have pushed them into careers and professions only to complain that the generations of today are poor workers. 

Now, it goes without saying that yes an education is important, but we will not all make straight A's and pass every course.  I failed Spanish in college 3 times and had to keep withdrawing out of the class before it would affect my GPA of 3.8.  It wasn't until my professor finally said to me, "we are going to just have to find another way for you to earn these credits" that and "you are absolutely the worst Spanish student I have ever gotten" (he was a bad example of a teacher.)  But I realized I just couldn't pass everything.  I turned out fine, we all turned out fine with the education we were given, seriously - we have a generation that frickin' created google, facebook, and the world wide web!

Why do we have to keep fixing everything that is not broken? 

Why the pressure to be so smart? 

 Is that going to get you into heaven? 

 Is it going to fill your home with maids and butlers?

 (well, maybe - but the Olsen twins didn't even graduate before they could afford that.)

Go ahead, you can give it to me in the comments after and that's fine.  But I can't see how we are helping our children when all we are doing is making them dress the same, act the same, and now learn the same and be the same.

What I learned in my 38 years ...

1. that you should always end a conversation with I Love You - and yes sometimes that even means the local grocery store cashier, though she might wonder about you and call the police as a safety measure.
2. never be the first to end a hug - especially when it comes to your children - let's just say my teen thoroughly enjoys this.
3. you can't ever dream too big - even if that dream seems out of reach - just go for it!!
4. that adding Hershey's chocolate syrup to a hot cocoa mix is what all the cool kids are doing.
5. that before making the decision to yell at the top of your lungs at a football game, you better know what the flip you are talking about.
6. that whoever said raising a teen was going to be my biggest challenge, must not have had to help their child with the 12 step regrouping math problem from the common core curriculum.
7. I believe I might have finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up.
8. that sometimes when you sip on a margarita and a coffee all day at a crop you will get confused as to which one is buzzing you.
9. that sometimes it is okay if you don't get out of bed on the weekends to feed your children - eventually they will learn to fend for themselves - that is if you call oreos, ramen noodles and ritz crackers nutritional.
10. that my words sting far worse than my fist.
11. reverse psychology doesn't work on your kids or DOES IT?
12. yelling louder doesn't make my children hear me any better - I think I am out of their decibel range - at some point I mute out on them and they just tilt their heads sideways in confusion.
13. money is the root of all evil - it teases me in my bank account on Friday and then disappears on Saturday.
14. putting down your guard can open your heart to beautiful things.
15. that all the baggage I come with doesn't cost me extra at the airport.
16. the grass is only greener on the other side b/c it is full of shit.
17. home is not defined by walls, brick, mortar, a roof and floor - it is built on trust, surrounded by love, sustained by loyalty and topped off with a little kindness.
18. the key to a great marriage is just putting up with his farts - if you can handle that stank you can just about handle the economic crisis.
19. if you want a man's attention, put the vjayjay on lockdown and see those ears perk up.
20. dragging your kids across linoleum will not hurt them.
21. children can teach you some incredible things, listen to them once in awhile.
22. you can be your worst critic, but throw a couple of constructive criticisms your way.
23. if you can't find it some search engine will, but it will under no circumstances find the missing socks.
24. for whatever reason - none of them did it, none of them so don't even ask, they will say they didn't.
25. what I once mistakened for blatant prejudice I now recognize as ignorance.
26. the smallest things become impossible when we are filled with self-doubt.
27. the dishes and laundry can wait, Lord knows they are there every day anyway. bleh!
28. take the time to pat yourself on the back and give credit where it is due during those proud mommy moments.
29. life just seems to fly by faster the older we get.
30. watching Ellen brings me joy and hope for the world.
31. that my minivan does not define who I am.
32. that the window of opportunity is now a hurricane term that will join the others like hunker down.
33. for some reason I don't curse at Disney.
34. running to the mailbox is not as fun as it used to be as a kid.
35. that the reason you forget the pain of labor is b/c now they are a pain in your ass.
36. my husband was so worth the broken journey I traveled to get to him.
37. my children are indeed my greatest accomplishments and remind me daily.
38. God created you for a purpose, he indeed put you on the face of the earth for something.  No role is too small.

I'm not that Mom ...

the mom who gives in and says yes because it's easier

the mom who says it's okay to talk back to me or others

the mom who lets her kids go off without checking on them every 10 minutes or so

the mom who doesn't talk to her kids about the hard stuff - the real stuff

the mom who doesn't show up b/c she is not feeling good

the mom who doesn't care about them cleaning their rooms

the mom who says learning how to wash the clothes can wait

the mom who says it's okay I guess if they are doing it go ahead

the mom who allows her children's mistakes to just be

the mom who lets her kids just idle by in life

NO

I'm that mom who says no even when it hurts me to the core

I'm that mom who commands respect in every way, just as much as I give it

I'm that mom who keeps my kids on a short leash to guide them through their youth

I'm that mom who talks about puberty, sex and drugs and I don't skimp on the details 

(there are no birds and bees in my conversation)

I'm that mom who in my darkest days and most painful days still shows up for that game 

that my son might or might not play in

I'm that mom who shows them the importance of taking care of the things 

you are given in life and to appreciate them.

I'm that mom who teaches independence, b/c someday the harsh reality is I won't be here

I'm that mom who follows the rules and yells at the ones not following 

whether you want to hear it or not

I'm that mom who looks at mistakes as a lesson to be learned from

I'm that mom who goes against the grain 

I take the path less traveled b/c it is harder

not b/c I like to torture myself, 

but b/c there are lessons to be learned on a path of obstacles

and none of them are easy to learn.  

All with some degree of difficulty 

that at times you just want to give up, turn around and say, "I'm done."  

and you say it b/c it is easier, 

because if I turn back now maybe I won't look like such a failure

because it will take months to fix

or maybe even years

it might never be fixed

but I'm that mom that sees the path laid out before me and accepts the challenges

b/c even the most difficult paths 

can create:

Strength

Courage

Loyalty

Honesty

Hope

Faith

  and give you even just a sliver of silver lining

So yes, when you ask, "O you are one of those moms."

I will answer, "Yes, I'm one of those moms."

Something that is needed

I have never posted about this, not because I don't believe it's important - but I guess just because I couldn't find the right words to put together.

Imagine that 

me 

not being able to put words together.  

But right now this is needed, 

it needs to be said, 

it needs to be expressed, 

it needs to be exposed, 

it needs to be known.  

and you might judge me, 

you might think yeah right, 

you might just nod your head, 

but regardless, here it is ...

I am human, I am a sinner.  It has taken awhile for me to say that without beating myself up for making mistakes daily.  I have that syndrome, you know the one that causes you to think you have to do everything perfect and when you don't it breaks you.  I often preach to my kids that we all make mistakes and that's okay, but it's what you do after them that makes a difference.  Yet even as those words leave my lips I can't apply them to myself.  I think to myself often that what I am doing is not enough and I push myself harder. Sometimes I even think life is unfair when I watch my friends and family suffer and why some are given hardships that I may never face.

But then I remember God's plan and though it might not be mapped out for me on mapquest and no I can't google it, but somehow I just

trust.

Trust that His plan is going the way it should, trust that the path myself and others are on are just part of His greater plan.  That who I might meet along my troubled path and walks in darkness will bring light to others.  Now I will say to you that in my church

we sing and we praise 

and we sing and we praise 

and we sing and we praise.  

And I always feel the spirit and enlightenment long after I leave,

but this week, 

this week 

I did more than just sing and praise.  I confessed with my tongue everything that was in my heart.  I prayed for my two best friends who were facing critical medical conditions that seemed hopeless.  One who since having her baby has had complications with a stint and another after fighting cancer for the first time was reliving it all again, but this time in the lungs.

I went into church heavily, my footsteps pounded as I walked to the front, my heart crushed, my mind foggy, my body aching from carrying the stress on my shoulders and then this song made me lift my hands and throw everything at his throne.

As I took a deep breath in I suddenly realized that I was no longer in pain and that peace had came over me and 

I cried and sang 

and cried and sang.  

And then I just knew that this was my path and I was drawing closer to him and my two friends were going to be okay.  

You might just say fiddlesticks 

or you might just say wow that's great!  

But I am here to tell you that today, my friends are feeling better and if you ever doubted the power of prayer and the mighty LORD

it ends here!

You leave that behind and just believe 

and don't be ashamed to believe and shout it from the rooftops.  

Don't be ashamed to be weak, find strength in him.  

And don't be ashamed of who you are, b/c he loves you anyway.  He is your father and he knows you will stumble along the way, he has the plan and if it is his will it will be done.  

Let him have his way with you!

JUST TRUST!!

When I grow up ...

So as I thought Career Day for Claire went exactly as I thought.  Yes, I know at least she is consistent.  She of course changed her mind the night before and then when she woke up she again changed her mind not once, but yes twice.  She had stated she was going to be a dancer before resting her head for the night.  I should have known that after I had laid everything out that she would change her mind yet again.  Maybe it was a dream she had that night that made her think that she had chosen the wrong career, but she went from dancer to teacher overnight.  She chooses, what she thinks, is what a teacher would wear (hello kitty shirt and tutu with leggings - well I mean come on what teacher doesn't wear that), but as she looks in the mirror she says, "I don't look cute enough."  Well, that then set off the hunt for a new career 15 minutes before she needed to be at school.  I felt like I was reliving my college years again - changing my major every semester.  In the end, she finally chose this:

I asked her who she was and her reply was, "Umm, mom don't you know, hellooo I am CeCe from Shake It Up!"  Well, of course I knew THAT!!  

I mean come on mom.  It's like when they were much younger and gave you a picture with two squiggly lines and said, "Can't you see it mom it's a dinosaur feeding its' babies." Yeah, I got it.

But regardless of what she is going to be when she grows up - I know this rock star is going to do it BIG!!

Career Day

I sure wish we had these days when I was growing up then maybe I could have made a decision about what I was going to be when I grow up.  Maybe had I known about some of the pitfalls ahead of time, I could have saved myself a lot of time.  Yet as I always say the journey we take makes us who we are.  We might make plenty of mistakes along the way, but the mistakes do not define us; it is what we do with the mistakes after that define us.

Growing up I always thought I would get into fashion (probably b/c I had none - LOL), but I often drew out my own designs for clothing I would have liked to have had.  I look back now and think it is not too far off from what I do now - I create.  I create things with my hands and with my words.

My oldest son's career day consists of a lot of questions like: what education or training do you need? what qualifications do you need? etc., but as for my youngest well it's basically, "Hey what do I get to wear?"  Last year, she was a baker and a cute one I might add, but of course she has yet again changed her mind, actually she has changed her mind 3 times this week, alas like mother like daughter.  So here she is last year:  

I wanted to make something unique and cute, so of course felt had to be involved.  So since I have the pictures for whatever reason - here's a short tutorial:

I started by cutting out sort of a scalloped 3" cloud shape, a 7"x2"  brown rectangle, a small red heart and a 2" brown circle, I ended up not using the pink circles.

I then stitched the circle to one side of the rectangle and stitched up the ends of the rectangle to make the bottom of the cupcake.

Next I flipped it inside out, yet if you like the look of the stitching you could always keep it like it is.

Stuff it!!

Then Stitch the top.

then Add the heart and a flower.

For the tray, I actually used a small vinyl record and just glued a paper doily to it and glued the cupcake to the tray.

I also made her the tag by adhering fabric to a cardboard rectangle, added the letters, a coffee filter folded up and a strawberry heart embellishment.

Hopefully by morning she will make a final decision on what she will be for career day, so I can get to work. (Hopefully, she's not like me still trying to decide what to be when I grow up.)

I will be at her career day this year as an artist/writer, but with kids this young I think the art will be more interesting to them.  Guess I will need to get my outfit together as well, hmmmmm  

"I wonder what I should wear?"