Can't Take Him Anywhere

To anyone who may know my husband, they know without me saying He is as Cajun as they come. We are sitting in Olive Garden having a nice dinner, surprisingly without kids due to some sad circumstances, but anyhow a night away and out comes "They sure do have a lot of wine here." Now that may not sound bad, yet he is kind of loud about it. Then he proceeds to say again, "Look it's everywhere." I'm sitting here thinking he can't be serious. The waitress then comes for our order and he makes an inquiry about the salad, "It's the big one right." As if we haven't been here a hundred times or so and he doesn't know it's a big salad. He then asks, "What kind of salad, do you serve here?" Again, normal questions but you have to understand, he asks the same freakin' questions every time. Thank God, we don't get the same waitress or I would just have to tell her he has amnesia or something. So, we are sitting waiting for our food and he blurts out, "I don't have a spoon, if I owned a joint like this everyone would have a spoon." Stating this as if he is making a promise to America, "I vow to improve our children's education, decrease taxes, and to have a spoon in every restaurant." What next? "They probably make a pretty penny here, huh?" We are now questioning The Olive Garden Restaurant's success. I don't even begin to answer any of his questions or respond because all I can do is shake my head and think why do I take him anywhere. So, now we have gotten our meal. I'm praying conversation is going to improve that maybe he is just lacking oxygen and nutrients to the brain, maybe we can talk about something a little more serious or at least important. Wrong!!! Again, loud and proud, "You know this is going to go straight through me, I hope I can make it to our house." @#$%, please God save me from my Cajun husband. I eat thinking if I just hurry, maybe he won't say anything else and try as I may to change the conversation he still keeps coming with the one liners for everyone to hear. "I hope you have enough money for this, because I don't." Ugh!!! What's sad about this is, this is not the first time. Once in a nice department store, he looked at a pair of shorts and loudly stated, "$25 for a pair of shorts, I can go to Wal-mart and get them cheaper than that." And another time in Chuck E. Cheese, "The pizza at Pinnochio's is so much better." Or the time we were in a fancy restaurant and the waiter began to place a napkin on his lap and he yelled, "whoah, buddy I ain't like that."  To make sense of it all would take a century or more, but he knows he is so embarrassing and enjoys every minute of my cringing, hands in front the face, wide-eyed, sinking under the table reactions; thinking God just strike me down now and he just laughs - laughs at himself. If only everyone thought they were funny, maybe they could all be as wonderful as my husband is.